Hey there. The internet is an amazing tool for connecting with people who share common interests. It allows us to learn, discover, and build relationships in ways that weren’t possible before. But when it comes to figuring out who you truly are? The internet is a terrible guide.
If you go online looking for your identity, you’re going to find a version of yourself that’s been shaped by algorithms, trends, and the curated lives of others. Social media, in particular, will tell you what you should aspire to be. It feeds off the things you engage with. The accounts you follow, the posts you like, and the content you consume. But that doesn't necessarily mean it’s helping you uncover your real self. In fact, it’s often the opposite.
Finding Yourself Before You Find Your Feed
Most of the time, I believe life isn’t an “either-or” situation. It’s an “and.” And that applies here too. You can use the internet to connect with others, but first, you need to connect with yourself. When you know who you are, your experience on social media shifts.
For one, you’ll probably spend less time scrolling. Social media is designed to keep you engaged, to pull you into an endless loop of content that you barely remember five minutes later. If you’ve ever looked up after scrolling and realized an hour (or more) has disappeared, you know exactly what I mean.
That’s why mindfulness matters when it comes to how we engage with social media. We need to be aware of how much time we’re spending online and how it’s making us feel. Instead of letting the internet dictate our thoughts, aspirations, and even our sense of self-worth, we have to take a step back and intentionally decide how we want to use these platforms.
Appreciating the Past, But Living in the Present
Part of connecting with yourself means appreciating everything that’s happened to bring you to this moment. Your past is important, it’s shaped you. But it’s also something you need to be able to observe without getting stuck in it.
When you look back at the things that have weighed on you, try to shift your perspective. Instead of dwelling on regret, shame, or frustration, try saying: Oh, that’s interesting. It doesn’t mean dismissing your experiences, but it does mean learning to see them for what they are…pieces of your story, not definitions of who you are today.
The same goes for the future. It’s good to have plans, but anyone who’s ever made a plan knows that plans change. If we become too attached to a specific outcome, we set ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, the best approach is to have a general direction, a North Star but be flexible in how you get there.
And that brings us back to social media. If you’re spending all your time online, caught up in the fantasy of someone else’s life or obsessed with how you “should” be living, you’re missing the present moment. That’s time you won’t get back.
Finding Real Connection Beyond the Algorithm
Social media can be great for meeting people with shared interests, but it’s even better when you take those connections beyond the screen. It’s easy to surround yourself with only like-minded people online, but true growth happens when you connect with others who bring different perspectives.
The internet makes it incredibly easy to believe that your opinions are always right because the algorithm is built to reinforce your beliefs. It feeds you content that aligns with your views, making it harder to see nuance. That’s why it’s important to challenge yourself, seek out conversations that expand your thinking instead of just confirming what you already believe.
At the end of the day, the most important connection you can build is the one with yourself. Social media and the internet can play a role in your life, but they shouldn’t define it. Use these tools but don’t let them use you.
If you’re looking to build a stronger connection with yourself and develop a sustainable approach to self-growth, check out The YLF Experience. This program is designed to help you work through the inside/out process and create lasting change in your mindset, habits, and overall well-being.