Hey there. If there’s something in your life that you think you should be doing right now but aren’t, let me offer a perspective: you’re not making excuses—you’re making choices. And I say that as neutrally as possible. If you’re not doing something, it’s because you’re not ready to choose it yet. That’s not a flaw or a failure; it’s simply where you are right now.
This might seem contrary to the self-help messages we hear so often. You’ve probably heard phrases like, “Be stronger than your excuses,” or, “No excuses!” While they might sound motivational, they can actually create a mental prison where nothing you do feels good enough. Worse, they can leave you stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-doubt. The truth is, readiness—not pressure, guilt, or shame—is what drives real, lasting change.
Why Excuses Are a Misunderstanding
When we talk about “making excuses,” that idea rarely comes from within us. It’s often a narrative handed to us by someone else—whether it’s a well-meaning friend, a social media influencer, or even the self-help industry. These messages can make us feel like we’re not doing enough or that we’re failing. But here’s the thing: labeling our decisions as excuses completely misses the point.
The choices we make—whether they seem logical to others or not—are ours. They reflect where we are in our lives, what we’re ready to handle, and what makes sense to us in the moment. This doesn’t mean we’re stagnant; it means we’re in the process of preparing for what’s next, even if that preparation doesn’t look “productive” to others.
Taking Ownership Without Guilt
When you recognize that your choices are yours, you open the door to empowerment. Instead of beating yourself up for what you’re not doing, you can start asking:
“Do I like where I am right now?”
“Am I ready to change this?”
It’s okay if the answer to the second question is “no.” Change doesn’t happen because someone else told you it should or because you’re feeling guilty. It happens when you’re genuinely ready. Until then, guilt and shame serve no purpose—they only cloud your ability to connect with yourself and make decisions that truly align with your goals.
The Self-Help Industry's Blind Spot
Here’s where the self-help industry often gets it wrong: it assumes that pushing you to act is always helpful. In reality, meaningful change doesn’t come from external pressure. It comes from internal clarity. The self-help narrative can keep you in a cycle of trying, failing, and then looking for the next motivational tool, podcast, or book to “fix” you.
But you don’t need to be fixed. You have everything you need inside you to make the changes you want—when you’re ready.
Balancing Productivity with Authenticity
Many personal development messages also push the idea that you should be productive from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. But life isn’t about checking boxes all day. While habits, systems, and routines can be useful, they shouldn’t dictate your every move. There’s nuance to living a balanced life, and part of that is acknowledging that some days are just about being, not doing.
Embracing the Inside-Out Approach
The real work of self-improvement isn’t about meeting external expectations. It’s about connecting with yourself and figuring out what truly matters to you. That process takes time and can feel uncomfortable, especially when it forces you to confront choices you’ve made in the past. But when you observe those choices without judgment, you give yourself the freedom to change them when you’re ready.
Your Next Step
If this perspective resonates with you, I encourage you to start looking at your life through the lens of choice rather than excuses. Ask yourself:
“What choices am I making right now?”
“Am I okay with these choices?”
“What might I need to feel ready to make different ones?”
And when you’re ready to dig deeper into this process, consider joining The YLF Experience. This program is designed to help you explore your journey on your own terms, with guidance that focuses on connecting with yourself and building a life that works for you from the inside out.