Stop Pointing Fingers and Start Reclaiming Yourself

Hey there. For a long time, I thought taking responsibility meant blaming myself for everything that went wrong. If something felt off in my life, my body, my relationships, or my work, I either beat myself up or pointed the finger somewhere else. Neither one ever helped.

What I have learned over time is that responsibility is not about fault. It is about ownership.

Most situations in life are nuanced. Relationships, whether personal, professional, romantic, or family based, usually involve more than one person. Fitness journeys are no different. Weight loss stalls, restarts, frustration, and burnout rarely come from one single cause. But there is always a part that belongs to us. And that part is where real change starts.

When I stopped asking who was to blame and started asking what is actually within my control, everything shifted.

This shows up clearly in fitness. You can not control your genetics. You can not control how fast your body responds. You can not control what other people say about your body or your choices. You can control how you show up. You can control whether you move your body today. You can control how you eat most of the time. You can control whether you continue chasing extremes or choose something calmer and more sustainable.

The same thing applies outside of fitness.

You can not control every circumstance life throws at you. You can not control the past. You can not control other people’s reactions or opinions. You can control your response. You can control how you care for yourself. You can control the standards you hold yourself to and the direction you choose to move in.

Blaming everything outside of yourself feels understandable, especially when life has been hard. But it also feels helpless. When everything is someone else’s fault, you give away your ability to change anything. Taking responsibility, even when it feels uncomfortable, puts that power back in your hands.

This does not mean pretending everything is fair. It does not mean ignoring disadvantages or challenges. It means choosing an empowered point of view. It means saying this is my life, and I am responsible for how I navigate it.

Fitness has always been a powerful example of this for me. Showing up to lift weights, go for a walk, or eat a balanced meal is not just about physical health. It is about reinforcing trust with yourself. It is about proving to yourself that you can take action, even when motivation is low and conditions are not perfect. That mindset carries into every other area of life.

This is the heart of the inside/out approach. You work on how you see yourself first. You learn to appreciate the person in the mirror instead of constantly trying to fix them. From there, your actions start to align with who you are, not who you think you need to become to be good enough.

If you have been on a weight loss journey for years, especially if you are in your mid 30s or beyond, there is a good chance you were taught that your body was a problem to solve. It never was. You were always good enough. The work now is learning to take responsibility for your life without turning that responsibility into punishment.

Owning your part does not mean carrying everything alone. Therapy can be incredibly helpful for uncovering blind spots. Support systems matter. Structure matters. But none of those replace the moment where you decide that you are worth showing up for.

You can change. You can choose differently. You can take the next step today.