I’m Always in Pain, But I Keep Going

I’m always in physical pain.

That’s something I’ve known for a long time, but it’s not something I’ve really said out loud.

Because of cerebral palsy, pain has always been part of my day-to-day life. It’s constant. Sometimes it’s less, sometimes it’s more, but it’s always there.

And the truth is, I’ve gotten used to it.

When something is always present, you don’t always think to acknowledge it. You just adapt. You figure out how to move, how to function, how to keep going. That’s what I’ve done my entire life.

But recently, I started thinking about it differently.

I’m forty four years old now. I’ve spent my entire life working around this, pushing through it, and continuing to show up. And at some point, I realized that there’s this thing that people can see, but I never really talk about.

It’s there in the way I walk. It’s there in the way I move. It’s there in the effort it takes just to do things that most people don’t think twice about.

And I think it’s time I acknowledge it.

Not because it changes anything.

Not because it’s going to slow me down.

But because it’s real.

There’s a routine behind everything I do. There’s preparation. There’s stretching, mobility, and time spent getting my body ready just to move the way I want to move. There are days when it takes more. There are days when it takes less. But the work is always there.

And I still show up.

That part doesn’t change.

If anything, acknowledging the pain makes me more connected to what I’m doing, not less.

It also made me realize something else.

A lot of us are taught not to acknowledge what we’re dealing with. Especially as men, we’re taught to push it down, ignore it, and just keep going.

But there’s a difference between ignoring something and owning it.

I’m not ignoring the fact that I’m in pain.

I’m choosing to acknowledge it and keep going anyway.

That’s the difference.

And maybe that’s something you can take with you.

You don’t have to pretend something isn’t there in order to move forward.

You can acknowledge it.

And still show up.