Maybe You Miss Who You Were, Not Just How You Looked

I think you can miss your old body without actually wanting it back.

But I also think this question runs much deeper than appearance.

You may look at an old photo and think about your weight, your shape, how athletic you were, or how differently your clothes fit.

Those things can absolutely be what you miss.

There is nothing wrong with saying that.

But sometimes when we say, “I miss my old body,” what we are really saying is:

I miss something about who I was during that stage of my life.

Get Specific About What You Miss

Start by describing it.

What exactly do you miss?

Maybe you loved your shoulders.

Maybe you liked your body composition.

Maybe you miss being able to perform physically in a certain way.

Own that.

I think saying it clearly can actually put it into perspective.

Then ask what comes next.

Could you realistically get back to that?

Would you even want to?

What would it require?

There may be a physical goal from your past that still matters to you today. Appreciating yourself does not mean you are not allowed to pursue it. The philosophy in Love the Body You Have specifically leaves room for wanting to change your body while still appreciating where you are right now.

But possibility is not the only question.

What Would It Cost You?

Maybe you could recreate that body.

But what did maintaining it require?

Would you have to train in a way you no longer enjoy?

Would you have to restrict your eating more than you want?

Would it require time, money, energy, or a lifestyle that does not fit the person you are today?

Missing the result does not mean you have to be willing to pay the same price again.

I actually think there is tremendous maturity in being able to say:

I loved that.

I miss it.

I could probably get some of it back.

But the cost is no longer worth it to me.

Your body is going to change throughout your life. Weight changes. Abilities change. Injuries happen. We age. Life circumstances change. The goal cannot be keeping your body frozen in one preferred chapter forever.

Maybe You Miss More Than Your Appearance

This is where I think the conversation becomes much more interesting.

What else was happening when you had that body?

How did you feel?

How did you carry yourself?

What were you doing?

Who was around you?

What did your life feel like?

The physical version of yourself may simply be the easiest thing to identify because you can see it in a photograph.

But body image goes deeper than what is visible. What we see can bring up thoughts and feelings about the larger stories we tell ourselves about ourselves.

Maybe you do not actually want your old life back.

Maybe parts of it were incredibly difficult.

But there may still be pieces of yourself from that period that you genuinely miss.

That is worth exploring.

There Is No Old You and New You

I have never really liked the idea of running away from the “old you” to become some completely different “new you.”

You are still you.

You evolve.

The book talks about this directly. We carry pieces of ourselves from every stage of life with us.

That includes good things.

It also includes insecurities, difficult experiences, hopes, interests, confidence, and everything else that has helped shape you.

If you constantly treat a previous version of yourself as someone you need to escape, you may spend the rest of your life running from yourself.

What if you appreciated that person instead?

They wanted to be appreciated too.

They wanted to feel loved.

They wanted to feel like they were enough.

You can give that to them now.

Recreate the Feeling, Not Necessarily the Body

Maybe you realize what you really miss is how confident you felt.

Or how free you felt.

Maybe you miss your energy.

Your playfulness.

Your discipline.

Your calmness.

Now you have something incredibly useful.

You already have a point of reference for the feeling you want.

Ask yourself what you were doing that helped cultivate it.

What thoughts were you practicing?

What activities were part of your life?

How were you approaching your days?

Then start bringing those things forward.

Your old body may not be available to you anymore. The parts of yourself you loved during that time still can be.

Your headspace is not trapped in the past.

Neither is your confidence.

Neither is the way you choose to carry yourself.

You can operate from a calm headspace and move at a deliberate pace today.

Appreciate Every Chapter

The goal is not to pretend you do not miss anything.

Miss it.

Grieve it if you need to.

Appreciate it.

Just be careful not to turn missing a previous chapter into believing your best days are behind you.

The book asks a really useful question around body change: how tightly are we holding onto the belief that we need to remain a previous version of ourselves in order to appreciate who we are now?

You do not have to choose.

You can love who you were.

You can love who you are.

And you can be excited about whoever you are still becoming.

Take the parts of your past that still serve you and bring them forward.

You hold the pen.

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