How Social Media Can Change the Way You See Yourself

Is Social Media Making You See Yourself Through Other People’s Eyes? I do not think we are literally seeing ourselves through other people’s eyes. We cannot.

We do not actually know what another person is thinking when they look at us.

What I think happens is more complicated.

We see ourselves through our perception of what we think other people see.

And social media can amplify that dramatically.

We see what gets likes.

What gets comments.

What gets shared.

What body types are trending.

What styles are getting attention.

What somebody else posts.

What performs well when we post.

Then we start telling ourselves a story about what all of that means.

Social media can turn our own insecurities into something that feels like outside evidence.

You Are Still Looking Through Your Own Lens

This is one of the things I think is easy to miss.

You see somebody post a photo.

Maybe they look great.

Maybe they are traveling.

Maybe their body looks a certain way.

Maybe their life appears to be going really well.

A common response is to say, “They are just posting their highlight reel.”

Maybe.

But I think the more interesting question is:

Why did their post affect me the way it did?

That question brings the attention back to you.

The Love the Body You Have e-book talks about how we can take our own critical thoughts and place them into somebody else’s head. We assume they are noticing and judging the exact things we feel insecure about.

That is not really seeing yourself through their eyes.

It is seeing yourself through your assumptions about their eyes.

There is a difference.

Attention Can Become Validation

Social media runs on attention.

Views.

Likes.

Comments.

Shares.

Followers.

All of those numbers are visible.

That makes it very easy to start using attention as validation.

Maybe you post a photo and it performs really well.

You feel good.

Then the next photo gets much less attention.

Now you start questioning it.

Was the picture bad?

Did I look bad?

Are people less interested in me?

Do I need to change what I am doing?

You may not consciously walk through all of those questions, but the emotional reaction can still happen.

The reception starts becoming the currency you use to determine how you see yourself.

That is where I think things can get slippery.

Not All Outside Validation Is Bad

I do not believe the answer is to stop caring what anyone thinks.

That sounds nice.

I do not think it is very realistic.

We are social people.

Feedback matters.

If someone close to you tells you that they appreciate you, that matters.

If a partner validates something you are feeling, that matters.

If a friend gives you thoughtful feedback, that can be useful.

Even a complete stranger can occasionally give you valuable insight.

The problem is not that other people have opinions.

The problem is when we internalize those opinions and allow them to determine our worth.

The e-book makes a similar point around compliments. Someone else can see you differently than you currently see yourself, and you can consider that perspective without immediately making it your own.

I think the same thing applies to criticism.

Feedback is information.

It does not automatically become identity.

Who Actually Knows You?

Think about how strange social media can make this.

Someone who has never met you likes your photo.

You feel more attractive.

Somebody who has never met you leaves a negative comment.

You feel worse about yourself.

Why do these people have that much power?

They may have an idea of you.

They may know the version of you that appears on their screen.

But they do not know your thoughts.

They do not know your experiences.

They do not know the full person.

The e-book talks about how we create stories about other people and then compare those stories with the story we tell about ourselves, even though we do not know whether either interpretation is accurate.

Social media gives us endless opportunities to do this.

Likes Are Not Objective Proof

I think this is where social media gets especially tricky.

Numbers look objective.

Three hundred likes looks like more than thirty likes.

Ten thousand views looks like more than one thousand views.

That part is factual.

What those numbers mean about you is not.

A post can perform differently for countless reasons.

Timing.

Algorithm changes.

Topic.

Format.

Who happened to see it.

Whether people were scrolling quickly.

Whether the platform pushed it.

Yet we can take the number and turn it into a personal evaluation.

That is where the measurable nature of social media can fool us.

It can make perception feel like fact.

Create Some Space From the Input

Usually, I like to understand what is happening before jumping into tactics.

With social media, I think creating some distance first can actually help.

One thing that works well for me is putting my phone in another room.

If I am working in my office, I may leave my phone in the kitchen.

If I need it to create content, I go get it.

Then I can put it back.

That little bit of friction matters.

Another thing I use a lot is Do Not Disturb.

There are certain people who can still reach me when they need to.

But I do not need every app competing for my attention throughout the day.

I also do not use social media notifications.

I do not need to know the second somebody liked something.

The less immediate the feedback becomes, the easier it can be to stop treating it like a running scoreboard.

Then Ask Yourself What Is Actually Happening

Once you have created a little more space, get curious.

How do I actually see myself?

How much does that perception change depending on how social media responds to me?

Do I feel differently about my appearance when a photo performs well?

Do I feel worse when something gets ignored?

Whose opinions am I giving the most weight to?

Do those people actually know me?

What parts of myself have I started shaping around what gets attention?

You do not need to judge the answers.

You just need to know them.

Journaling can be incredibly useful here.

A few sentences may be enough.

The goal is to untangle your own perception from the constant stream of information coming at you.

Social Media Does Not Have to Decide Who You Are

I do not think everybody needs to delete social media.

I use it every day.

There are plenty of things about it that I enjoy.

I love animal content.

I love zoo accounts.

I love humor.

I use social media for work and connection.

The tool can be useful.

But I think you have to stay awake to the relationship you have with it.

You should be able to receive information from the outside world without handing the outside world ownership of how you see yourself.

That requires being connected to yourself.

It requires knowing what you value.

It requires knowing how you want to see yourself.

It also requires being willing to examine feedback without automatically absorbing it.

Maybe somebody has something useful to tell you.

Consider it.

Maybe they do not.

Let it go.

Either way, your worth does not need to rise and fall with the engagement on your latest post.

The goal is not to stop caring about other people.

It is to know yourself well enough that other people’s reactions remain part of the conversation, not the author of your story.

New to Your Level Fitness? Start here.